GRATEFUL

I am grateful for the things and the people that The Lord has placed in my life...

For Grace Hallelujah who is always willing to dress according to a theme and who tirelessly encourages and lifts me up...

For my lovely 259 Allison roomie, Pat Pat. She is a woman running after God's heart and I am so blessed to share her friendship and to learn from her...

For my crazy awesome skit team that reminds me that we serve a God of fun...

For this beautiful lady to share coffee and Spanish with...

For fun car rides with my BFF Corey where we sing and dance to anything on the radio but mostly Taylor Swift and Katy Perry...

For my sweet new RMR family that is crazy, radical, weird, hard, and beautifully awesome...

For my pink bicycle that ridiculously expresses me and reminds me that dreams do come true...

For best friends that have been around for forever and that are a great reminder that love never leaves...

For sweet Ellen who is a constant light in my life full of sunshine and joy...

For bulletin boards that remind me of the goodness of God every morning...

For my wonderful freshman girls small group and surprisingly fun adventures to IHOP...

For coffees that are pretty and worth looking like a hipster to photograph...

For an AMAZING family full of love, the best memories, and three best friends that I can always count on...

And for a life overflowing with God's grace and beauty and goodness...

BRAND NEW

2014: A brand new year!

      I am very excited about this new year, on the very first day I found out that I was going to be an RMR guide! {RMR is a Young Life adventure camp- I will be guiding trips of high schoolers on week long backpacking adventures in Colorado for the next two summers} Part of being a guide requires that I go to three weekend trainings this spring and then a trail training trip {week-long backpacking trip with all of the guides} at the end of May.
     This past weekend was our first training, it is called Heart of a Guide {HOG} and going into the weekend I had a crazy mix of emotions. I was so excited to be a part of this awesome Jesus-loving community that I had tasted before, I was ready and willing to learn about what The Lord had in store for me in this, but I was also terrified. My favorite color is pink, I have been camping like 3 times in my entire life {and one of those times was in a parking lot} I am also a Texan and most of these guides are really awesome super Colorado-y and I felt inadequate. I was so consumed by all of the fears of being out of my element that I forgot about why I decided I wanted to guide in the first place-because I love Jesus and I want to show high schoolers what true life is.
      From the moment the weekend started all of my fears started to diminish. On Friday I went skiing with some of the other guides, and was immediately welcomed into a deep community. From Breckenridge we drove to the cabin where all of our trainings will take place. After a couple hours {we got incredibly lost, a car caught on fire, it was an experience let me tell you} we arrived at HOG. I walked in proudly with my Vera Bradley duffel, pink sleeping bag, and a bunch of other pink and monogrammed stuff. We got to hear Joey, the director, talk about how God is doing a brand new thing in each of us, it is a new season, and he asked "what is going to mark this season for you?" I had no idea. Following the talk we got to worship all together, which is so powerful to me...I love music and dancing...then we got into small groups to talk about where we were coming into the weekend, what we were risking, and we talked about what we want from this new season. Intense. Immediate. Deepness. I am not really used to that but it turns out I like it. I love that Jesus brings people together and a group of almost strangers can share life with each other. Day two was 'snow' much fun-literally. We went out into the crazy deep awesome fluffy snow to learn how to traverse {I think that is just a fancy word for walk-across} a snow field, how to place and make a snow anchor, and a lot about avalanches- I learned a lot and also had so much fun playing in the snow. Our next activity was guy/girl split up talk about your feelings time...again we talked about what we wanted for this next season, then we 'pop-corned' {like when you are in fifth grade and reading a story} to share- you cannot hide in this place, everyone wants to know what is really going on, everyone cares about everyone, its not fake, its real, its intimacy. Here is what I want: I want Jesus. I want to seek Him and pursue Him...I want peace and love and joy and goodness, but not without Jesus, I want to be a woman after the heart of Christ and then become a woman of peace, love, joy, and goodness, I want nothing else but Jesus. We had another talk that night, more worship, and more small group time. During our small group we prayed for each other and asked The Lord for words and visions for each other. What an experience-it is really fun to watch The Lord show up. That was really the highlight of my weekend until later that night when I was getting ready for bed I heard some great music going on downstairs so I obviously followed the sound...I started swing dancing with one of the other guides and that lasted about an hour---way too fun---at that moment I felt like I really did belong in this place, I was having so much fun and was reminded that God works out everything for His good, and when things work out it is really fun! The night went on we danced for hours started the frozen sound track I sprained my ankle {totally worth it} seriously I cannot even describe the joy. The next morning was the last morning and I really decided what was going to  mark my next season. Because of the things that were spoken to me during small group time I decided to really enter in to being the bride of Christ, something that is often mentioned in scripture. I want to understand what it looks like to be a bride, to be mature in my relationship with Jesus, to want nothing but Him. So entering into that season of unadulterated worship for my father in heaven is what I am seeking. RMR is now home, the other guides are family, and it took no time. As soon as I got there my insecurities went out the window and I felt like I belonged, because I did, because The Lord brought me there for a really good reason and I am thankful. 

Skiing at Breckenridge

Snow training

A HOPEFUL PERSPECTIVE

     Looking at His past faithfulness will remind us of the goodness of our Lord. Looking at our blessings from Him will allow us to say, “You have been faithful in the past and I trust You.”

     God gave Abraham a son. God led His people out from under Pharaoh. He sent His only son. He fed 5,000 people. He died on a cross. He rose from the dead. He has been faithful in history.

     The Lord gave me an amazing family. He gave me amazing friends. He led me to Colorado State. He has forgiven me. He has been kind to me. He has given me abundantly more than I can imagine. He has been faithful to me.

     Because of his faithfulness I get to have a hopeful perspective. When I remember his past faithfulness I am reminded of who my God is. Israel got in trouble when they forgot God’s power. Every day I forget God’s power. Every. Day. And He is still faithful. I complain against my Creator every day. Every. Day. And yet, He is good to me.

     What the heck!? How crazy and powerfully awesome. When I get this kind of hopeful perspective I can try to clearly see why the Lord has led me into the wilderness. I can try to clearly see how he is forging my character. I can remember that I trust Him because He is faithful. I can freely be courageous in everyday life because I know that my Father in heaven is in control. He is what I hope in and He alone is enough.

THOUGH YOU SLAY ME:

I come, God I come    
I return to the Lord
The one who's broken
The one who's torn me apart
You struck down to bind me up
You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need

My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I'll know every tear was worth it all

Though tonight I'm crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You're still all that I need
You're enough for me
You're enough for me

(though you slay me by Shane & Shane)

  

Songs are so powerful to me. I am moved by how much a song can fit into my life and point me to Christ. Today was full of pain. My heart hurts. All I want is for Jesus to calm the storm. In Mark 4 when Jesus and His disciples are in a boat and the storm is raging His disciples ask him “Do you not care if we drown?” This is how I feel. It is like I am surfing and I cant get past the break of the waves, I am paddling as hard as I can and yet I keep getting hit by the waves and I feel like I am going to drown, so I cry out to The Lord and I know that He will rescue me but it does not feel this way. I feel like I can’t take one more wave to the face. All I want is for Him to calm the storm. I want peace, I want hope, and I want to be able to see goodness around me. I don’t want to focus on the waves; I want to focus on Him. He is for me He loves me. This is truth. In this song John Piper talks about pain. He says that affliction is momentary-hope. It is all totally meaningful; every millisecond of this pain and misery in the path of obedience is producing glory. It is not meaningless it is doing something. It is working for me. I will not lose heart. I will take truths and day-by-day focus on them, and one day I will be able to sing again with confidence that I am new and cared for. I will praise Him, and I will know that every tear was worth it. He is all that I need, He will calm the storm and I will wait.  

EXAMPLE:

I am an example of what The Lord does in this world.

My testimony or life story does not contain an epiphany moment in which I finally realized that Jesus was real and I wanted Him in my life. I simply believed since I was a kid. I have had moments of realization in my walk with God and some really radical shifts in my thinking but I could not give you a defining moment in my life where I accepted that Jesus is my savior. For a long time I wished that I did have a moment, I felt like my story needed a magical turning point, or some kind of crazy turnaround. But as I have matured more in my faith I realize that I am also blessed to not have a defining moment, I just accepted my faith as a child. I have known The Lord for a long time and have had a great walk with Him for many years. I am an example of what The Lord does in this world. One woman that goes to my church said this after sharing her story and it hit me that we are all examples of His work. Every story, every moment points to the work that God has done in our lives.

I started thinking about how I am truly an example of the transformation of death to life, even without a defining moment. Every day The Lord makes an example out of me, He brings darkness into light and leads me along His path. In Him I am an example of finding joy in pain. His grace for me is an example of His great love. His unfailing faithfulness that has beautifully broken me is an example to the world that He is good. 

Because of the life that The Lord has given me I no longer have to strive to ‘set a good example’, my life is an example. My world is transformed because I now let my savior live my life and that is the best example I could ever set for my friends. When I look at my life through this lens I can’t help but be filled with gratitude that I have been chosen to be an example of light that shines in the darkness.

SWEET TO THE SOUL...

A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.

Sweet to the soul, does anything sound better? Reading that sentence gives me a sense of relief, like a heavy weight has been lifted off of my shoulder, like I just finished a long race.

Tetelesti- the exact word that Jesus said right before he died on the cross- “it is finished” When I think about these words the same feelings rush over me, relief, peace, and unbounded joy. My longing to be with my creator has been fulfilled and nothing is sweeter to my soul. Everyday I get to wake up and be fulfilled because of his faithfulness. He satisfies every part of me. The fact is, it really is finished. But what is “it”? The answer: everything. I spend most of my day running around doing stuff-usually Young Life, I do contact work, I meet with other leaders, I lead a small group, I work really hard at making everything work for the kingdom. I get so busy and rushed that I often forget that it is all finished, the work has been done. My God is sovereign over all things. He is sovereign in my past, when I thought that I was too far-gone. He is sovereign over my life in the present, He knows how I am feeling and is working in me. He is sovereign over my future; He knows what job I will have, the man I will marry, and what I am going to do next summer. All of my worries are broken down by the truth- it is finished. The sweetest song to my soul is the fact that my Father is in control, He holds me, and I will forever be satisfied in Jesus.